Saturday, December 14, 2013

Get to gettin!

We are going on day four of camping by the road and thumbing for a ride. I tell you what, my puppies are howling and covered with blisters. It ain’t easy in the hot sun. Six hours of napping with 1 hour of walking a day, can take a toll on a man. All that stuff I wrote about this being the life… Well I may have over stated my position.

I came up with a new theory about our lack of mobility situation, so I shared it with the group. It went a little something like this:

Me: Pablo, the reason nobody’s pulling over for three handsome grown men is cuz you’re filthy as a pig. Look at yourself. You’re covered in dirt!

Pablo: This is not dirt. It is something else. It is something that my ancestors have done for many years. Mud protects my skin from the sun and keeps the mosquitoes off me.

Moonshine: That’s disgusting. You told me that smell was cuz of that can of chili you found.

Pablo: Yes, that too.

Moonshine: I’m gunna be sick.

Me: Hey! Focus y’all! Pablo, go and hide ya’self on that there hill.

Well he went and hid behind his cooler on the hill but car after car still passed us by for a full twenty minutes before we left to go take a nap! Can you believe it?!

Pablo: See. It is not me. It is because of Moonshine’s beard. He looks like bigfoot’s butt.

Moonshine: You say one more thing about my beard and I’m gunna call up the men in green suits, Pablo. And they are gunna haul your butt back to nacho land without no cheese, no sour cream, and no guacamole, if you catch my drift. They will cage you up like a dang manimal. Never insult the beard on my face… to my face... Never again! Or so help, I will call the thunder.

This is what I have to deal with day in and day out, folks. If anyone is reading this out there, please come pick me up! We are on the Green River in Colorado…or possibly Central Utah. Just head up the highway and as soon as you catch the foul aroma of hot chili on these dusty winds, just start looking around. You’ll find me.