Monday, December 23, 2013


I love pie. I love pumpkin pie, cherry pie, apple pie, raspberry pie, and even pecan pie. I can’t think of a single kind of pie that I don’t love. There is a sweet little canyon next to the river about three days south of Green River City and it is full of pies. Unfortunately, they ain’t the eating kind.
They’re cow pies. (although I did have to eat a cow pie once for a bet/survival situation, but that’s a story for another time.) For those of you who ain’t familiar with the term “cow pie,” I’ll give you a brief synopsis, it ain’t nothing like your Grandma’s beef pot pie, although it does come out steaming hot.

Even though they don’t taste too good, they are good for a lot. For example, they’re great fire-starters. That’s something I’m sure many of you people already knew. But I bet there’s something you didn’t know they were good for…settling disputes amongst friends in a little game we call, "Crap OFF!"

Crap off is a sport I invented one day when I was mad at Moonshine. He was bugging me for one reason or another and I told him to stop. He wouldn’t. So I kicked a chunk of crap at him. It got in his mouth and that was how “crap off” was born.

It’s a great way to settle a debt or a bet. Hurts way less than a bar fight, but it certainly is just as painful. In fact, it’s how we settle half our fights. The rules are simple. You take turns kicking crap at each other just like back in them dueling days. The non kicker has to keep his/her mouth open and ya'll take turns like this till someone gets it in their mouth and loses.

This particular round of Crap Off (trademark, ya’ll) was about me and Moonshine settling a debate. The debate was actually an ironic coincidence. We got into a little scuffle over which fishing lure was better than the other. You know, it aint important how it started, all that matters is Pablo was referee, and we was ready to crap off!

Moonshine and I stared each other down.

 I kicked.

Then he kicked...

As you can see below, I am the better crap kicker. Thank you, thank you. Hold your applause.

MOONSHINE: You win I got it in my mouth!

Anywho, I got fifty pennies and guess what I’m getting Moonshine for Christmas. Hmm… maybe, some toothpaste. Oh and by the way… if you lose the Crap Off, you do not, I repeat, you do not have to swallow that crap. I’ve told him that a thousand times.


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