Thursday, December 5, 2013

Look behind jew!

Redneck tip of the Day: Don’t sword fight using fishing poles with the hooks still attached. You will regret it and you might loose a nipple.

It’s been days now and we’re still camped on Green River in Wyoming or maybe Northern Colorado now, I’m not exactly sure, it all looks the same butt ugly around here. But luckily we’re usually close enough to a town that we can visit a library every now and then to get on the interweb and look at our blog thing.
Oh and to uh…borrow some toilet paper from their bathrooms. Hope the men in green suits ain’t readin' this! You crack me up Juan. Your Tio aint worried about martians, he's worried about border patrol buddy! Course the NSA is probably trying to dial in on us, so I best make this quick.

Anyway, Moonshine and I were getting into another fight about…well, I can’t remember exactly right now. Come to think of it, we’re always getting in fights about one thing or another these days. He sure does seem feisty at times. But we always seem to make out okay in the end. Whoa, that sounded gay. I didn’t mean that…what I meant to say is…Hey! For the record, I am all about the ladies. I love the ladies. In fact, I’m so straight I eat my hot dog from the side!!!

Anyways, like I was saying, Moonshine and I were exchanging some select words with one another. Things may have gotten a little out of hand once the mothers and other family members of the female persuasion encountered the conversation. That’s when I’d had enough! Oh it is on, tampon! I up and grabbed my fishing pole and stabbed him in the gut. I’m not usually prone to violence but that fury little Sasquatch laughs like the Pillsbury doughboy when you poke him in the tummy. Anywho, an epic Samurai battle ensued betwixt us.

Long story short, I got my butt whopped.

Of course Pablo was trying to calm us down, on a count he’s always the peacemaker. He said...

Pablo: It is not worth it. You hermanos are like brothers. 

Well, he got between us and calmed things right down. I was still kinda fummin’ on account I got my butt whopped, so I decided to be the bigger man and walk away. Being the bigger man was a mistake, I’m not likely to repeat anytime soon. I didn’t get ten yards when I heard the reel from his fishing pole shoot out. Pablo yelled, “Look behind jew!” But it was too late. The little hook from his line snagged my nipple! Nearly tore it clean off! Fortunately for yourselves, I did not get a picture of it. It was gruesome. I have no dang clue why people pierce those precious pieces.

Long story short, I sent Pablo back to camp to get some beer. I needed something to sanitize my bleeding peperoni. It’s been over an hour and I aint sure if he's coming back. Anybody got suggestions on how to treat a pierced nipple?

Hope your teacher is liking our culture Juan!


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