I love pie. I love pumpkin pie, cherry pie, apple pie, raspberry pie, and even pecan pie. I can’t think of a single kind of pie that I don’t love. There is a sweet little canyon next to the river about three days south of Green River City and it is full of pies. Unfortunately, they ain’t the eating kind.
Saturday, December 21, 2013
Sorry, I couldn’t finish the story yesterday. Apparently there is some kinda policy against napping in a public library. The manager came and kicked us out of the little pink castle in the kid’s reading corner. I told him we was just lyin’ down for a few minutes but he wouldn’t hear of it. Stupid library! Shouldn’t even be called a Li-brary. You can’t even lie down for two seconds without someone yelling at ya. It’s more like a Stand-brary or a You-filthy-bums-better-get-outta-here-before-I-call-the-cops-brary. The library is like all government agencies. I don’t care if it’s CIA, FBI, NSA, ATF, NBC, CBS, CNN, or UPS. Not a dang one of them can be trusted!
Friday, December 20, 2013
This is something I’ve been pondering on fer a while now… at least the past twenty minutes or so. What is love? Ya see, Moonshine, Pablo and me was just fixin’ to leave the little home we found to head to the town library and then back onto the road. The open road is our real home but Pablo did not want to go. Let me back up a little.
See over the past few days Pablo had become mighty fond of one of them mules over in the field in front of our new house. He even named her… "Lil Esperanza." He wanted to take her with us but I told him that nothing would bring border patrol down on us quicker than hijackin a mule. We didn’t have the money to pay for her and people probably wouldn’t take fish for currency. Anywho, it went something like this.
Me: Pablo, it ain’t right. She doesn’t belong to you.
Pablo: But I love her. She es hermosa y perfecta.
Me: Love? Do you even know what love is, amigo?
Pablo: Of course I do. Do you?
Me: Well I uh…sure I do. It’s when you feel real good about a woman. And she feels real good about you… and uh…Moonshine, help me out here!
Moonshine: Heck if I know! The closest thing I’ve had to a date is when that waitress gave me the Heimlich maneuver, when I was chockin’ on that chicken wing at that dinner in Arkansas, remember?
Me: Oh yeah! I remember that. She was a mighty big girl too, as I recall. Had some meat on her bones! hahahaha!
Pablo: Yeah, she said, she had a fat skeleton.
Me: I ain’t never seen a fat skeleton.
Moonshine: Yeah, ha ha… hilarious…
Me: She still writin’ you?
Moonshine: If by writin’, you mean stalkin’? Then, yes. I don’t know how she finds me. I’m hundreds of thousands of miles away! You’d think she’d get the hint.
To be continued…
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Redneck tip of the Day: If a man doesn’t even own a pillow, then a dirty, urine stained couch is a great fortune. But you might regret it. I tell you what.
We are definitely in Utah now. We passed a Green River City sign yesterday. One of Pablo’s kin finally gave us a ride in the back of their truck. Well I assume they were family. They were all speakin’ the same language, if you know what I mean.
Saturday, December 14, 2013
We are going on day four of camping by the road and thumbing for a ride. I tell you what, my puppies are howling and covered with blisters. It ain’t easy in the hot sun. Six hours of napping with 1 hour of walking a day, can take a toll on a man. All that stuff I wrote about this being the life… Well I may have over stated my position.
Thursday, December 12, 2013
It is day two of walking south on the road following the river and thumbin’ for a ride. The road is hot and Moonshine used the last of our water to clean his beard. I never knew Sasquatch required so much grooming. If you do not receive another post soon, then we probably perished in this blasted, hot desert. Winter does not seem to affect this place. We are not as far North as I had suspected. We are certainly much further south than I had thought us to be.
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Saturday, December 7, 2013
Redneck tip of the Day: If you’re not sure if there’s a sleeping grizzly in a dark cave, don’t go shouting and throwing rocks in there. You, for dang sure will regret it!
Still camping on the Green River. In fact I think we might just follow it down for a while. I’m one hundred percent sure we might be in Colorado now, it is very colorful. Much more than Wyoming. Our luck ain’t been so good on the river lately. We haven’t seen a single fish in days. These fish are more shy than a constipated turd.
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Redneck tip of the Day: Don’t sword fight using fishing poles with the hooks still attached. You will regret it and you might loose a nipple.
It’s been days now and we’re still camped on Green River in Wyoming or maybe Northern Colorado now, I’m not exactly sure, it all looks the same butt ugly around here. But luckily we’re usually close enough to a town that we can visit a library every now and then to get on the interweb and look at our blog thing.
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
Continued from "Questions" post…
Me: What the crap you talking about, Moonshine?! What’s cake got to do with god and bugs?
See what I’m talking about. They just don’t think logically. Then Pablo decides to throw in his two pesos.
Pablo: Es (Spanish for he is) talking about God.
Moonshine: Ya Pablo, Its God! That’s what I meant. I mean, it makes sense that God made all these bugs don’t ya think?
Saturday, November 30, 2013
Here's a pretty good story for ya'll.
So, the other day, we had just gotten to the Green River. For those of you who don’t know, that’s up in Wyoming… I think… Anywho, Moonshine decided to start philosofisizing (I know you just sounded that out. Gotcha suckas!) about gods and bugs and such. He likes to do that from time to time. And I don’t really mind, since I am a philosofiizer myself. Anywho, the fish weren’t bitin’ so we started fightin’.
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
In support of Pablo's nephew, I have agreed to help our little buddy out. I aint always near a computer though, so I'll do what I can when I can to help this little guy earn a good grade. Anywho, I’m Henry Ranger. My friends call me H.R. I grew up a lil in Mississippi and lil everywhere else. Mostly, I travel up and down the Mississippi. That's why I say everywhere else. I don’t know that I’d exactly call any one place home though. Don’t know that I have a place to call home, ‘cept maybe the river. I usually just go wherever the flow takes me. And the weather. I hate the damn cold! I am what you’d call a "snow bird."
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
My Mama says that my tio Pablo is a drifter. I’m not sure what that means, but I think it means he goes on vacation a lot. He is always traveling and fishing with his amigos. He calls them his fishing buddies. He sends me lots of photos all the time. He says his friends’ names are Henry Ranger and Moonshine. Moonshine scares me, because his face is really hairy. Men with long beards scare me cause you can't see their faces. I’m not sure I could win against them in the ring cause I cant touch their faces, but I think I would try.
Thursday, November 21, 2013
I have lived in this country for most of my life, so I don’t know a lot about my culture. But since my teacher wants me to right about my culture, I decided to turn to someone who grew up in my culture. This is my tio, Pablo. Tio is very shy. He is very afraid of the men in green suits with shiny badgers. He also hates snakes and spiders. One time, I got bit by a spider and Tio tore up a cigarette and spit on the tabacco. He put it on the bite and said it would take out the poison. Guess what? It did! Tio makes me laugh. He always thinks the green men are trying to take him away! Tio’s a little loco, lol ;-)
Monday, November 18, 2013
Hola! My name is Juan and my teacher is making me create a blog for class. She says everyone in the whole world can see my blog. So… Hello everybody!
When I grow up I want to be a luchador! Wrestler's are the best because no one can beat their faces in or hurt them. My special move is the whirlwind kick and I will kick your face in like a thousand hundred times before you even know what happens to you! I will beat everyone I fight! But that’s not what I’m supposed to right about. I’m supposed to right about my culture. I don’t really like computers or righting but this is what I am supposed to do, so I will do it.